Thursday, August 19, 2010

I'd like to think that's the world we live in.

Before I begin this post, I will declare my habit of referring to males and females only as boys and girls to be officially done. I think it's because "boys" sounds too childlike.

I just read an article advising women on how to deal with one-night-stands on

Here's an excerpt:

Interestingly enough, even guys themselves often don’t know what they want from the woman they are seeing. Their vision might be blurred by a strong lust to the degree where they themselves don’t know what they want until after they satisify their sexual urges. Thus, a guy who thinks that he is interested in dating a certain woman, might change his mind immediately after having sex with her, realizing that he wants nothing else from her but what he just received – again – a one-night stand, but the one that he didn’t plan to have. It can be painful and unfair to women, but he doesn’t really have a control over that.

The article seems to operate from two assumptions:

1) Women assume that having sex with a guy means that he likes them enough to date them.

2) Women do not pursue sex with men who they would not date.

Say it isn't so! Is this the world we live in? Because I'd like to live in a different one.

I'd like to live in a world where girls know that whether or not a guy wants to have sex with you is not related to whether or not he would be interested in a relationship with you. 

I'd like to live in a world where guys accept that girls use them, too, and don't feel a need to go around bragging, "That girl totally wants me, but I'm just gonna keep fucking her even though I don't really like her."

I'd like to live in a world where girls do pursue sex with guys they would not date and don't settle for sex with guys they'd like to date but who would not date them.

I'd like to live in a world where most people can tell the difference between not wanting to put a label on things and just not wanting a relationship with the hapless person they have sex with all the time.

I'd like to live in a world that encourages us to make decisions rather than to continue doing things until we "figure out" whether or not we want them.

I'd like to live in a world where girls don't justify their hook-ups by saying, "I was lonely," or "I was hurt." I'd like to live in a world where it's accepted that all of us are lonely and hurt, and where it's not unusual to admit that loneliness and hurt goes into every romantic and/or sexual encounter we ever have, no matter how hot or mind-altering or hilarious the encounter happens to be.

I'd like to live in a world where a website called Impractical Happiness could be as successful as one called Practical Happiness. Because happiness isn't that practical in the 21st century. Most of us kind of have to figure it out, and it's a little bit easier when you don't get derided for always considering others' opinions and sharing your own. 

I'd like to think that's the world we live in.


Mademoiselle Hautemess said...

I would like to live in a world where carbs are slimming! But the truth of the matter is, we don't. As nice as all those things sound...they are likely not the majority. Sucks. Kind of makes me want to become a nun! But instead, I think we should just keep looking for that silent minority!

Great(ish) Expectations said...

Very true... I think girls justify sleeping with guys they wouldn't date, by the stereotype that all guys aren't looking for anything serious anyways.
Guys justify it by saying that a girl that would sleep with them too soon isn't relationship material.

P.Y.T. said...

life has so many catch-22s...its hard sometimes to figure it all out.

great blog...just started following you & look fwd to reading more.

Benny said...

Thank you to all of you, and keep believing in the silent minority.

Denise said...

The reason females have to justify one night stands and men don't is because sex is a more emotional thing for women. But the problem with this is that while it may be a more emotional thing for us, the connection (emotional and physical together to for the entire experience) is really what we crave. So if we say we were lonely it's somehow more accepted than if we just say "I had the cosmic horn".

I want to live in a world where men and women don't judge each other and just accept our difference and embrace them for the great thing they they are. Men (straight) don't want to date men because they like the fact that the female mind is complex and different. If we worked all the same a huge part of the dynamic that makes the opposite sexes attracted to each other would be gone. It's there for a purpose, I wish we didn't judge actions just because we can't fully understand them.