Friday, April 2, 2010

A brief follow-up for RUA

I'll get to Tomcat on a Midnight Spree soon, but first, I want to add to something  I said to Receiver of Unwanted Attention in the last post.

Many people took issue with two of my suggestions. (Although they did it by email, not in comments which I wish they would do so that I could look popular.)

The suggestion people took issue with was, "Tell him that you can't make out with him because you'll get too emotional." Several people said to me, "No, that will make the guy want you more."

That may be true in many cases, but I still think that it will work on some guys.

I was more or less trying to make and re-make the point that making yourself less mysterious will make people less likely to obsess over you.

Guys have a tendency to idealize girls. We also have a tendency to be unprepared to actually deal with the kind of emotions you need to deal with when you're in a relationship.

Those things tend to go hand-in-hand: idealization and emotional cluelessness.

I look back and notice that the girls I've had the most enduring crushes on were the ones whose romantic lives I knew the least about.

In many cases, I changed once I really got to know a girl: I either stopped crushing on her or decided to actually make an effort to pursue her.

Back to you, RUA (Hope you're still reading me from out there in internet land!). What I mean is, If you want to make guys into friends, encourage them to see you as much like a friend as possible. Let them see the aspects of you that you're careful about showing to guys you like. Call yourself crazy, or fart, or goofily-drunkenly-casually make out with them, whatever snaps them back into the reality that you are a human being, you're not the manic pixie dream girl who's going to save them, and you're never going to be in love with them.

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