Thursday, March 25, 2010

How to Deal with a Nice Guy

Hey there all you dudes and ladies out there in internet land. Benny here.

I've decided to start an advice column about guys. I noticed that, in the internet and in the non-digital world, there is plenty of advice given by girls about guys, given by guys about girls, and even given by girls about girls . But there seems to be a dearth of advice given by guys about guys.

I'm changing that.

I've called this site "How to Deal with a Nice Guy" because the most troubling thing that I've seen in girls I know and/or care about and/or enjoy laughing at is, well, their inability to deal with guys who they perceive as "nice." I hear many women say, "I'd never break up with him, he's so nice," about guys who suck, and say, "I wouldn't date him, he's so intimidating," about guys who are actually pretty nice.

I've realized that, when I'm speaking or writing, every time I mention a person, it takes me about ten seconds to decide whether I want to call them a man or a boy or a woman or a girl.

So, in order to reduce the time it takes me to write a sentence, and because I don't believe that anybody really grows up, from this point on, I will never write "men" and "women" when I could just as easily say "boys" and "girls." 

Ask your questions by way of anonymous comments. I've realized that, unless we use snail-mail, that's the only way that your questions/problems will remain anonymous.

And I'll end with a quote from Cary Tennis (Get well soon, Cary!), one of the greatest creators of written advice the world has ever seen:

"I'm no expert. I know the same things we all know. What I'm offering is, you know, good writing! Good writing can clarify overlooked or obscure areas of emotion. With sufficient craft, these things can be illuminated, and in a way that's pleasurable to read. Plus I'm kind. I offer sympathy to people who are in trouble." (The full article from which this quote was copied can be found here.)

I'm no Cary Tennis. He's a pro. I'm not. But can I offer good writing? We'll see. You be the judge, and I'll be the writer.


Anonymous said...

I have your first question. This happens to me quite a bit. I know some of the nicest guys, who I would love to be friends with and hang out with, but after a while they always start getting a bit flirty. I know they're secretly interested, and I know that I'm not, but I still really want to be friends, because everyone knows that guys are more fun to hang out with than girls. These aren't the sorts of guys who would say anything, so should I just let them flirt and try not to flirt back? Is what I want impossible? Can girls and guys be just friends. Help me, Benny!

Receiver of Unwanted Attention.

P.S. I would follow you of course, but I imagine being the first asker of a question AND the first follower would defeat the purpose of commenting anonymously.

Benny Paul said...

Dear RUA,

Thanks for your question. I'm working on the response and it will definitely be up some time tomorrow.